If there’s one thing you can rely on, it’s Pokemon. OR SO I THOUGHT.
Pokemon isn’t about the strategic choices you make when building your team. It isn’t about the tense flow of a two-player match using one of the most interesting turn-based battle systems ever made. It isn’t even about the emotional connections you make with the different Pokemon (FUCK OFF BIDOOF). It’s about the people in the world, and what they say to you. Fufufufufufu!
“Fufufufufufu” - I know I’m in a Pokemon game because when people laugh they laugh like that. They don’t say hahahahaha! or lol!!!!!!! They say fucking fufufufufufu and that’s the fucking RULES. But THIS TIME, for some fucking reason, they’ve not said it once. I’m like six badges in and nobody’s even laughed. What the fuck has happened? Is this world full of dead people? What’s it called, Uvova? Unova? Vulva? I don’t even fucking know, because it’s so fucking DEAD TO ME.
I’m ready to quit this piece of shit and go full time Tactics Ogre. I’ll give it another couple of hours to get its act together and if there’s still no fufufufufufu then I’m going to go to Nintendo’s HQ and kick the fucking shit out of everyone in sight.