Affectionate Diary

I’ve read some of these. They all seem to come out as positive, though oddly none of the reviewers are OAPs. In fact, I daresay that there’s not a single review I’ve seen of it that isn’t from somebody who would MUCH prefer a regular DSi! Or even better, a DS, since then you wouldn’t have to deal with the disappointment that is the download store.

ARE YOU MENTAL? IT’S FUCKING HUGE.

If you can justify owning this for any reason other than you are blind and have shit hands, you are either rich or a cunt. Don’t fucking review it! Nobody cares! Nintendo don’t even care! It is literally a HUGE DS FOR CUNTS. There’s no need to summarise that in a page or three and then give it a fucking score. Let me save you the hassle with my Definitive Review -

A - How much do you like the DS?
B - How monumentally shit are you at seeing things and holding things?

Score both out of ten, add them together and that’s your score. Out of a hundred. If you already own the DS and haven’t had any problems with it, DON’T EVEN CONSIDER SPENDING MORE MONEY ON THIS BIGGER VERSION OF A MACHINE YOU ALREADY OWN. You don’t need one for the bedroom, because you can carry the one you already have into the bedroom. Unless you have no hands, I guess, but then you probably wouldn’t care about the DS, or the DSi, or the DSi XL.

Oh yeah, it’s Maroon. Like Maroon 5, only they sometimes get to sleep with chicks because they’re famous. Being seen with this will be the end of whatever pathetic resemblance of a sex life you claim to have. And that’s taking into account all your lovers are gamers.

You make me fucking sick. Can you imagine how angry I’d be if I had tesiticular cancer? Less angry than the attention this cock sucker is getting is making me.

-21

This entry was posted on Thursday, January 21st, 2010 at 7:59 am and is filed under Definitive Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.