The Road to Chibita
I am now officially really nervous about this. A trip to his arcade on Sunday is planned (does he own it? Run it? Is he the champ there?) and I know nothing about Japanese arcade etiquette. If I do Lion’s up+P+K and shout SHO RYU KEN! will he laugh or be offended? What if he gives me a round, am I allowed any jubilation at all? What if he doesn’t like me? What if we’ve got EXACTLY the same hair styles? What if he doesn’t like VF anymore? WHAT IF I WIN A ROUND?
No chance of that happening really.
Things I don’t know about Japan -
Do they have a seven-day week? If I say “Friday” will they translate that into their equivalent day of their seven-day week or do they just work non-stop until they die?
If you win in the arcades, do you rejoice? Do you keep your head bowed? If the other person wins, do you congratulate them, or will that embarrass them because then they are rejoicing? Is it like at a karate competition, only the other guy isn’t broken and bleeding at the end?
Do the girls have sideways fannies?
How tall are they? I mean, Chinese guys are tiny, but most Koreans I’ve met are huge. Like the dude in Lost. Will I be of normal size over there or what? I’m not planning on sleeping with the chicks cos I love my girlfriend very, very much, but I at least want the chicks to think “he’s probably got a big one.” If only because it won’t ever happen anywhere else (I’m half-Chinese).
Do they drive on the left or right (those that don’t have spaceships)?
Are they really that good at games? I mean, Chibita is going to trash me, but maybe I’ll get some wins against the henchmen.
Things I do know about Japan -
They are all really racist, even by my comedy standards.
Everyone can do karate really well.
They see things in widescreen.
They don’t have cheese.
They don’t like the PSP (and who can blame them?)
They go red when they drink (SCORE!)
They have a slight biological advantage at games over white guys because their eyes and brain can assimilate information over a larger area faster than the average honky - I don’t know how it works for black guys but Ryan Hart is pretty fucking sick. Let’s assume that means all black guys are good at games, because they always chose Guile back in the day and beat pretty much everyone.
The KFC is made from actual chicken.
Even if they can speak English, they won’t, so fuck off.
Not everyone is like Hard Gay.