This year was horrific. Here are the bullet points:
* Game that was the best
It might well be my age, but I’m finding it really hard to think of any amazing shit I played this year beyond Borderlands, which must make Borderlands the best game of all time. That’s probably because it fucking IS the best game of all time, apart from Virtua Fighter. OK, to be fair it’s really the best RPG FPS of all time and I’m not shitting you - it’s fucking great in a way that exemplifies several crucial facets for any fucking great game, like its base purity and the awesome of getting guns ALL THE FUCKING TIME. A game built for players to play rather than experience.
It says something that major criticisms of Borderlands as a singleplayer game are mostly due to it being stuck between single and multiplayer sensibillities. Mostly, it harmonises nicely though I often wished for a bit more fluff and meta to really polish the whole affair off into tenland for goodness of all mankind. Nothing detracts from the sheer quality of the play, not even the strange mapworld and the lack of decent metagaming besides inventory juggling. Not even the lack of character customisation fucks me off, because Borderlands has far, far too much decency at its core to warrant any juvenile outbursts.
Unlike Modern Warfare 2, which is such an awful example of the ruinous folly that AAA GAME EXPERIENCES I refuse point blank to even play it, even though the co-op stuff sounds awesome. But like where THE FUCK is it going to go next? Paying as Obama and crashing spy satelites onto the Spetsnaz and SAS HQs while pretending to be all of Mossad and single-handedly chopping the limbs off every child in the entire world?
Borderlands just has to implement that component-based gun system, add A FUCKLOAD of obvious and cool features. Oh fuck, it’s so good. Trials HD is nearly as good and like, Trials HD is proper gaming innit? Amazing shit to be perfectly frank but you can’t unlock sweet character items just like in Borderlands. I think that is bad. Also, Trials HD’s setting is silly. I want outdoors Kickstart-style shit and a button that I press when I want my dude to scream in RAW FUCKING TERROR (which would be like 90% of the time).
* Game that was the improved
Forza 3 was brutally fantastic. Just brilliant, in fact. So much so, I’ve actually participated in TWO of the most longest of the endurance races, which are fab to play with pals, especially that one pal who particularly likes you completing the hard shit on his save so that he looks proper badass and stands a much better chance of having the ‘did all races’acheivement. I mean, a game has to be pretty fucking sweet if I’m happy to take part in 147KM of Nurburgring in a R1 car. It’s the best racing game ever.
* Game that was the made cry
Prototype should have been far more rewarding than it actually was. Maybe it was that I simply did not give a FUCK about the emo bitch I was controlling, nor his desperate yearning quest that he fulfils by eating people’s brains. Still, its carnage was carnagey enough for the most part, though to be brutally honest I got really fucking bored of it all, even though I was getting XP for doing all sorts of shit. Maybe it was just not quite enough. Like overall - not the XP, but the rest of it. God I dunno. I got WELL BORED of the missions.
* Game that was the not played enough
This is DEFINITELY Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2. It’s brilliant, but the grind is really quite big. It’s like big robots, dude, fucking shit up. I feel most guilty about this fucker, as I know I haven’t got the bestest Gundams yet, nor have I levelled anyone to the same degree that I rocked Warriors Orochi 1 and 2.
* Game that was the shouldn’t
2009 was the year that I played Peggle Nights. So did my girlfriend, which is astonishing given her outright fascism against video gaming in all its forms. She’s brutal about it, even though she plays Brickbreaker on her Blackberry. Peggle is obviously an incredible thing of shocking beauty, but let’s have an ACTUAL INTERVIEW with my girlfriend about it:
1 What first attracted you to peggle?
It looked simple and didn’t have guns. Small balls are appealing.
2 Did you like it when the little ball bounced?
Yes. I like being able to shoot balls and not have to worry about the consequences based on my skill. Yet you can acheive some fucking great tricks and come off as the don. You can also drink and smoke and talk to people when you’re playing even though I actually don’t when I’m playing. I like having the option to, though.
3 how would you improve Peggle?
It would be good if you could move the shooter and if you really fucking pinged it, the ball would go off the screen and you’d travel to another land.
4 What about that Unicorn, huh?
Oh what the narrator? He’s fucking shit and nothing that any of the characters say makes any sense. I wonder who the fuck wrote this shit.
5 What was your favourite super power?
I’m growing to love the flippers but I like the one near the end of Peggle Nights. Is it fireball? YES THE FIREBALL.
6 How do you feel about your boyfriend introducing you to Peggle?
I feel very grateful and lucky and blessed.
7 Would you play another game ever?
No. Not unless it’s like Peggle. As long as it doesn’t require too much skill.
8 Fave gaming moment 2010?
Finishing Peggle Nights
9 Lowpoint in gaming 2010?
Having my 11 year-old goddaughter breaking my 18-month brickbreaker highscore in under an hour. ON THE FUCKING MOTORWAY.
I think that really gets to the nitty gritty.
* Game that was the 2010
I’m pretty much shitting bricks constantly when I think about next year. I might even get Mass Effect 2, although Bayonetta and Alpha Protocol and Splinter Cell and a million other things are getting me all het up. This means I really need to blast through The Saboteur (which is surprisingly good fun) in like 5 days and I barely have any drugs left. FUCK. Look, I dunno. It might be Dante’s Inferno for all I fucking know.