Affectionate Diary

One thing that’s remained completely rock-solid throughout the Splinter Cell series is the tidal waves of joy that can be wrenched out of sitting in darkness for ages before taking a bad man hostage and then making him go unconscious, just before putting his body somewhere that guarantees his death. You’ve got to make it look accidental, you see.

The other thing that’s remained completely rock-solid is the outright idiocy of having Sam plastered with all manner of glowing shit. What is it with Ubi and their insistence on shattering the carefully-crafted realities they painstakingly create with the most blatant bullshit the world has ever seen? I can’t believe they’ve got away with this shit for like four games. Seriously dudes. And wtf is all this about stripping the HUD away? If I was a *real* fucking stealth agent, I’d want all the info I could have over my vision - oh and I’d probably want to use those wicked vision modes a bit more.

Nonetheless, Sam’s most homoerotic adventure yet provides plenty of the good old serial killer training that Splinter Cell has always promoted. Shame it mires it in the shittest plot in history, along with really fucking annoying mini-quests in some POS BS ‘terrorist’ HQ. It also spits freebie goodies at you for basically doing your job with professional pride. Shame it’s as linear as it ever was, as the promise of a truly open Splinter Cell with multiple, non-serial objectives is genuinely exciting, especially with customisable costumes. If I’m STILL allowed to be completely hidden in the dark despite being lit up like a Christmas tree, the very least you can do is let me dress like a pink Ninja with a collection of animal toys around my waist.

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