This game is hideous shit. Yes, it’s true.
After decades of loving war, the latest game to re-create it with as much graphical glitz as possible has left me completely cold.
This is pretty much down to it being little more than a remix of previous WW2 shooters, with a touch of added pretty to make sure everyone knows it’s a proper 360 title.
To be honest, it makes me incredibly upset.
It’s fairly apparent that the shift in developers has had an impact. There’s a distinct lack of involvement and satisfaction when running through the game’s corridors of conflict and the opening settings are the usual, tired locations - presumbably chosen so that Americans will recognise from Saving Private Ryan and Band Of Brothers.
Never in the field of human endeavour have two DVDs been milked dry by so many games for such little worth.
The greatest WW2 game of all time is Hidden And Dangerous 2. It’s fucking, fucking amazing and its varied locales and challenges are a world apart from COD3’s overly-familiar levels. COD3 is more Krypton Factor than it is war, only without the wicked Art Of Noise music and the insanely hard mental agility tests. Basically, it’s the assault course, only with less blood.
ANOTHER THING that’s now worn so thin that it really fucking does my head in is the insulting sterility that almost defines the COD3 experience. For all the intense explosions, flying ammunitions and massive guns, there’s a distinct lack of horror and nastiness. The guts of war are entirely missing.
This is fucking appalling. What COD3 provides is the Commando Comics version of history. Even though it adopts a reverent stance, claiming to be a tribute to the millions of soliders that died in the wars it’s making its money from, it utterly fails to communicate the immediate horrors of warfare. It might be rated a 15 or whatever, but this is a fucking kid’s game. There is literally nothing adult or mature about the way it presents itself. It’s 100% UHT fantasy war at its most insulting.
The blood, guts and dismemberment that are as crucial to recreating war as any amount of millitaria detailing. COD3’s attention to detail is worth nothing if the battles it presents are as bloody as the average game of war in the park with sticks for guns and NER-NER-NER-NER gunfire.
‘No Guts, No Glory’ is one of the most succinct mottos relating to war. COD3 is happy to follow it literally. There’s no guts in it and it’s not even remotely glorious. People ask when games will be taken as a mature artform. Perhaps when they stop being so immature is the classic wit’s response. COD3 demonstrates that problem admirably.
MIND YOU, MY MATE SAID IT GETS GRATE HALFWAY THRU SO FUCK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOVE! BUT DROP THE FUCKING JEEPS AND TANKS FOR FUCK’S SAKE. THEY’RE BULLSHIT.
10/10 - Best war ever! You won’t believe the physics!