Affectionate Diary

Games journalism is an exciting field to work in - I should know, I’ve written more than three pieces for national publications. But it can be hard to know where to direct your energies as there are so many different types of journalist you can be. So allow Affectionate Diary to provide - the Definitive Guide to Different Kinds of Games Journalism.

Professional blogging.

Kotaku accepts the following copy as acceptable for a Hands On of Virtua Fighter 5, a fighting game series that is known for inspiring near-insane levels of dedication in its players - “The game was fun to play, and I suppose that’s what really matters.”

Thanks, Kotaku!

That was an excellent post for them because it they labelled it “Virtua Fighter 5 Hands On”, which was a bold move as the post contained absolutely no information on how the game played at all. It did, however, drive what was probably a lot of hits to the site. Which is what it’s all about - getting the hits no matter how little your writers know. If you can lie like this and fill up approximately half a page with text that says nothing, you would make an excellent professional blogger.

Proper internet journalism.

Why bother? Blogging pays about the same if you’re prolific enough, and you’ll only need to worry about things like knowledge, passion, actual writing ability and knowledge.

Written journalism.

I’m not sure about this one. Every journalist I know has a blog, and they write as least as much on the blog as they do in their publications. Which leads me to believe that they must have a lot of free time. In conclusion, working on a magazine is a total doss. Just send in a CV that says ‘I can do reviews what are good’ and then sit back and let the good times roll. You will get to play games all day, which is what any job in the games industry consists of.

Freelancing.

First you need to suck off the editors of magazines like FHM and Front. Once you’ve done that, you’ll be able to write the reviews columns for these magazines. They’re really important because they are read by The Whole World, which means PRs will suck you off to get their games in. That’s brilliant because you will be a couple of sucking-offs down after scoring the columns. Remember, you will need to regularly suck off the editors to keep your column, because there’s always competition, so get regular payback from the PRs. Ideally speak to only the hot girl PRs, even though they are unlikely to give as good head as the guys, who play with (their own) cocks every day (at least).
These columns are particularly great because you don’t need to write more than about 10 words about each game, and the pay is often about £500 per word. In addition, you can put the games up on eBay afterwards for big bucks!!!

This has been the best guide to games journalism you’ve ever read, but that’s only because it’s the only one you’ve ever read. For further information on glory holes, Test Drive Unlimited and the internet, check out these other AMAZING guides to games journalism -

http://www.disappointment.com/wordpress/archives/171
http://gillen.cream.org/wordpress_html/?p=1192
http://www.thetriforce.com/newblog/?p=813
http://thermosflaks.blogspot.com/2006/10/so-you-want-to-be-games-journalist.html
http://botherer.cream.org/?p=631
http://dubiousquality.blogspot.com/2006/10/so-you-want-to-be-games-journalist_30.html
http://www.mathewkumar.com/2006/10/30/170/
http://www.richardcobbett.co.uk/codex/journal/filingcabinet/so_you_want_to_be_a_games_journalist/
http://worldofstuart.excellentcontent.com/soyouwant.htm
http://pcgtim.wordpress.com/2006/10/30/how-to-be-a-games-journalist/
http://idealproject.blogspot.com/2006/10/so-you-want-to-be-games-journalist-im_30.html